Do you know what it's like to go to school where the second you step in, your self-esteem decreases to ridiculously low levels? Where you suddenly feel unappreciated and worthless? I do. Do you know what it's like to go to school where every girl seems to shine with such grace and beauty that it's hard to keep your head up? Where those girls were not only pretty, but smart and confident? Where no matter how hard you try to redeem yourself, those girls were always there to one-up you? I do. Do you know what it's like to go to school where the majority of your peers could care less about what you think, or what you have to say? Where the 14 years of voice you've accumulated have suddenly dissipated, leaving you without the power to barely utter a sound? I do.
Starting high school is hard enough, but moving from one state to another makes the transition much more difficult. Leaving one state where it's all about the effort and work you put in, to a state where most people tend to "grow up" at rapid speeds, is like being thrown into a whirlwind you can't control. I went from not caring about outter beauty, to having it be my number one priority. Just one day of being a freshman in high school changed my whole outlook on life. I was intrigued. I was disgusted. I was curious..... I was ugly, at least that's how I felt. And that was just one day! One stinking day in August of 2004. I had four more years to go. Four more years of unknown content. I didn't think I would be able to survive.
But I did. Through out my four years of high school I have gained so much knowledge. Not just in the academic sense, but in a more philisophical way. I've attained insight through out the years on an array of topics. Insight that could possibly, even if it's in the most subtle way, help someone out. Each year I've collected pieces of this, and pieces of that, then saved them for a rainy day-- or in this case, a shower. If you don't know yet I do my best thinking when I'm in the shower. I know it sounds a little odd, but I guess it could be a metaphor for letting the water wash away the bad emotions and the bad thoughts. Then in a healthy (and hygienic) way express myself with a cleaner mind. Think of it this way: why give someone dirty wisdom? Why give reason when it's been tainted with unclean, shallow-minded soot. That's just being sleezy, like a used car salesman.
If you're wondering if I gained any insight while I was in high school, the answer is yes. But did I ever get the chance to voice the new found knowledge? The answer is no. Those pretty girls I described in the beginning of this blog post, were the darkest clouds to ever overshadow not just me, but many of my peers as well. We were the freaks, the geeks, the nerds, and the quirks. The band geeks, the Anime fanatics, the Zombie fighters, the self-proclaimed Potter nerds, the Twi-hards etc... We didn't fit into their puzzle, or their norm. But damn! I couldn't be anymore proud of being a high school dork. Back then it sucked at times, but a year and many showers later, I've come to realize that I wouldn't have had it any other way!!!
Calling all citizens of the NERD NATION! This blog is more than just about my epiphanic rants. This blog is using my words, and the power of our voice to fuel the sound machine to concoct one badass nerdy-licious harmony! I was sick and tired all through high school of not being able to say what I wanted to say for the fear of being made fun of. And I don't want anyone else to have to wait till high school is over to say what they want to say. We hold more skill and power than what anyone may percieve, and it's time for our power, our voice to be heard!! Until next time, stay happy!
Insight, from the shower <33
** image provided by: bayat on deviantART. [ click ]
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